Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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