i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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