When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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