i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
