You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
