I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize