Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
