She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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