Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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