Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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