She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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