What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
