I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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