Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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