did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My first STD was from a foam party
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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