Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
