Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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