Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
