oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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