About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
