I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
