dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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