I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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