she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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