Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
