Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
