Screwed.edu
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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