I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize