We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
