I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
