i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Enjoy the penises
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
