Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
