Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
