ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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