is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
