I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
