"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do herpes really smell.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
