my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize