used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
