Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
