is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
zippers are such a cool invention
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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