Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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