God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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