So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So vagazzling was a success
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
