You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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