sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
