I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
