those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
