If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
