I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
