i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
