Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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