spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
