We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
