There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
