At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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