Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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