he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
