A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
there is glitter all over my balls
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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