You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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