He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
