I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the condom got lost in my hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.