I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself