Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?