you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
