note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
