So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
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Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.