i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
