I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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