..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
