there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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