Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I died a long time ago.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
