K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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