i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
