the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
