so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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