its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
