I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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