your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
