this beer tastes like vomit already
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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